I am a perfectionist. I admit it. But one of the things that I have learned is that perfectionism has nothing to do with being perfect. In fact, what I believe that I have learned most is that the more I strive for perfection, the less perfect I am.
For example, I can’t just put clothes away. I want them to be perfectly folded and well, frankly, color coordinated. Now that doesn’t sound too terrible, does it? Except that it takes a lot of time and energy. Something of which I am always in short supply. And that means that my obsession with my drawers either results in lost time with those I love or allows clothes to build up in baskets waiting to be put up “properly”.
In other words, my perfectionism often results in bad housekeeping or bad parenting. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sound perfect.
I “know” this but it is hard to do differently. I am fighting 39 years of programming. 39 years of not believing that I was good enough and trying to compensate with an incredible work ethic. Because I am a hard worker. It’s something that defines me. And it is one of the few things that I will say proudly about myself. Except that it is possible to use work to hide, to avoid, to deflect. I believe that I have done that. Many times. So there is also guilt for me.
So my head says keep going. Don’t stop. You’re not enough. You’re not doing enough. And what you’re doing is not good enough. But over the last year, a small voice has started speaking up. Maybe it is okay. Maybe simply putting clothes away is an achievement. Maybe it is enough. And good enough. Maybe I am okay.
I think that voice is my heart. It isn’t as loud as my head. But it carries a pretty strong stick. The reality that my children will be grown before I know it. The truth that marriages need more love and time than they do perfect hospital corners. And the belief that I didn’t get here for nothing.
The Army used to have the slogan, “Be all you can be”. While never an Army girl (Goldie Hawn as Private Benjamin would not be far off from what I would be like in the military), I always embraced the concept. But I think that I had it all wrong because really what I was living was “Do all you can do” and maybe, just maybe I should focus on the being in “Be all you can be”.
Maybe I just need to be. Need to be… a little less perfect. A little less afraid. A lot more engaged. And then maybe, while not perfect, I might actually be all I can be.
Sometimes we really do expect too much out of ourselves. It’s really ok to not be perfect. Perfect is boring.
And boring I am not!!! Weird, yes. Boring. no.
Thanks my friend.
Traci
Traci, I love your new website and your signature! And pleeeease don’t be so hard on yourself. I can think of so many things you can be proud to say that you do well! You are an amazing friend, you’re a deeply caring person, you’re a great teacher, you always dress well….etc. etc. etc.
Muah!
You are such a tremendous friend — thank you!
Traci
P.S. I love that you said that I dress well!
Oh, dear. Putting clothes away IS a huge acheivement. HUGE. Lots of times, the laundry just sits on the bed waiting for me or Ben to tackle it. and color coordinated? Well, you know how I dress. Doesn’t even enter into it. Though, because you know how I dress IS probably the reason that you strive to color coordinate! You are just great. Swell, in fact. Hard worker too. the rest? Ah, forget about it…
And that, my friend, is why I love you so much. You are a fabulous supportive friend.
Traci
Ha, here I have a friend who trying to do tings perfectly. I also belonged to the same category.But let me tell you it gives a lot of stress . At times try to relax a lot.
Wise advice, my friend. Wise, indeed,
Traci
I also like to think of myself as a perfectionist – others however see me as more of a control freak. Loving the new blog by the way.
Perfectionist or Control Freak — I think you’re great! (Of course, we control freaks have to stay together — LOL!)
Thanks for stopping by, my friend!
Traci
Perfectionism just sets you up for constant failure. I struggle with my perfectionist ways too. I am also aware that my definition of perfection does not apply to those around me and I am finding that if I continue to try and achieve my sense of perfection in everyday tasks, then I am just driving those around me crazy with details that in the long run do not really matter. Happiness is far better than perfection. I am learning to choose happiness.
“Happiness is far better than perfection. I am learning to choose happiness”
Well put, my friend. I’m working on happiness, too.
Traci
I feel as if you wrote this post about me. Attempted perfectionism is something I am trying to conquer. I hope we both can find happiness in things done not quite perfectly but done none the less.
Celebrating those things that we accomplish, perfectly or otherwise — I think that is the key. Thanks for coming by!
Traci
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