Sundays in My City #20 — Wildflowers and Wisdom

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Traci

Continuing in the the “I’ve Got to Be Me” theme, I attended MomCom Austin yesterday. It was an amazing day filled with speakers that made me feel like I could do almost anything. I met a fabulous community of Austin women who blog, run their own businesses, or both. And if that wasn’t enough. look at the beauty that surrounded us. I didn’t have to look far for inspiration.

 

 

Find the beauty in your city and share it with my friend, Unknown Mami. Happy week. everyone! I hope you find something or someone that makes you glad you’ve got to be you!

Unknown Mami

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I’ve Got to Be Me…

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Traci

I loved, Loved, LOVED the Oprah show. When she went off the air, I begged her to not “Leave Me This Way”. I’ve never had therapy but at 4:00 every afternoon, I sat on a couch with Oprah and had a daily dose of the Therapist-in-Chief. I was inspired to let go of my past, get organized, and make a vision board so I could live “My Best Life”.

And I will admit that when we changed cable this summer, I confirmed that her new network, OWN, would be included in the package. Truthfully, it has been far from a home run. The network does not have enough new programming and I think I would rather have a dinner sitting between Russell Brand and a New Jersey Housewife than watch Suzy Orman. There are bright moments, however, and the Big O has a new show — “The Next Chapter”. Basically, she goes to people’s homes and holds extended one-on-one interviews.

One of those interviews was with Joel Osteen. For those of you who do not know, he is a preacher of a large church and an inspirational author. Now don’t worry, I am not about to preach. If, however, you want to see Oprah and Tyler Perry (yes, she brought him along) have a come to Jesus moment, look up this episode. She goes to his church to hear him speak. She weeps and she sings. And Tyler weeps and sings. They both weep and sing. But back to the topic, Mr. Osteen said something that spoke to me.

He told Oprah that when we look at others and think that we are less than; that they are better than us, we are insulting God. Now I don’t think that God has an especially thin skin but I get the point. If I am always looking outside myself and judging myself inferior then I am saying that God made a mistake in how he made me. He suggested that if we embrace ourselves and the talents that we have rather than spending energy wanting what others have, we can embrace that Best Life that Oprah was always trying to sell us.

This is the awards season which always bring out my “I failed and _______________ (insert name here) is a success” mantra. This has been exaggerated with my health issues. Being so tired that I can’t even accomplish the laundry does little to boost my self-image. But I think I am going to stop second-guessing the big man upstairs.

Because, at the end of the day, this is who I am, imperfections and all. I can’t be anyone else. So I’ve got to be me…

 

 

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Dreams of a Southern Girl

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Traci

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
– Martin Luther King

We often think of Dr. King as a hero to African-Americans but I think he is a hero for all Americans. Actually, for all humans. His dream was not only for himself but for all people. He chose to elevate himself by bringing all up with him rather than pushing others down.

Dr. King’s words inspired people from all sides. His actions opened hearts and minds. His life showed that anyone from any circumstance can move mountains.

I was reminded of this last evening when the glorious Octavia Spencer from “The Help” (which I wrote about here) accepted her Golden Globe with these words, “With regard to domestics in this country, Dr. Martin Luther King said it best. ‘All labor that uplifts dignity in this country is worthwhile’.”

I know that  we have not fully reached the promised land but we have traveled very far. There are signs big and small that his legacy have changed this country. Yes, we have an African-American president but there are signs closer to home and more meaningful to me. My daughter’s favorite Disney princess is Tiana from “The Princess and the Frog”. While she is a princess freak in general, the one she carries around most and asks for consistently is the one that looks least like her. And I love that. Children are not born with hate and prejudice; she is proof of that.

Whites may have thought themselves free before but they were not. No society is truly free when anyone is oppressed. And no heart is free when burdened by hate. So thank you, Dr. King. You made this white Southern girl’s life better. You made my country better. You made my world better. Somehow thank you doesn’t seem enough.

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Sundays in My City #19 — Sun and Shadows at the Zoo

Posted on January 15, 2012 by Traci

Yesterday, the kids and I returned to one of our favorite places in the world — the zoo. I love the way the sun and shadows play in the pictures.

Join the Sunday fun over at Unknown Mami.

Unknown Mami

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Why I Bother

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Traci

People ask me sometimes why I blog. And at times, I ask myself. Especially lately when everything is so hard and this only my third entry in the new year.

But truly I have a better answer as of late than even before. The response to my posts about my illness and my giving up on resolutions reminded me why. I don’t blog so much to write, though I do love writing, I could do that anywhere anytime; keep a journal like people have done since the beginning of the written word.

No, I bother to write in this semi-public forum because I want to connect. I want to be heard. And boy, did I feel heard. So a most heartfelt thanks from me to you.

My laptop should be back in action next week and I am slowly getting the hang of WordPress on my iPhone so hopefully my entries will be a little more regular, but in the mean, please accept my most sincere appreciation. Bloggy hugs for everyone…

You get a hug! And you get a hug! And you get a hug!

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Why I Resolved Not to Resolve

Posted on January 7, 2012 by Traci

I am an absolutely notorious resolver. I have always had a bit of a New Year’s Day addiction. There is something magical about turning that metaphorical corner when we turn that page of the calendar.

In the past, I have created lists that resembled books complete with attached schedules and check boxes. I start out crazed strong and for a couple of weeks, I feel like could outdo Alexander the Great. I learn a word a day. I drink tons of water. I exercise like an Olympian in training. I clean my corners and vacuum my mattress.

Sounds pretty amazing, right? Except there is a flip-side to that coin. I burn out fast and often leave more destruction in my path. Because I try to do it all at once, I end up like Napoleon stuck in Russia during the winter. I pull out everything in my closet to purge and organize and then find myself exhausted before I return everything. Bridges burned and house destroyed, I begin to lose my resolve (pun intended, though I’ll admit I was heavy on the historical war references).

I am also such a perfectionist that I’m self-defeating. Not only do I lose sight of the big picture as I worry about every hanger, baseboard, and corner but the minute I miss a checkbox, I feel like I have to start over. It drives me crazy when there is a missing “x”. So much so that after more than one I fall into failure mode.

And part of me really wanted to do that again as ridiculous as I know it to be. But this year, I resisted the urge. Part of me speaking of my illness is to acknowledge that I can’t do everything. Truly, no one could have done all to which I aspired, but I certainly cannot now. I need to concentrate on focusing my energy on those things that matter and not beat myself up for those things which I cannot.

So here are my non-resolution resolutions. I resolve to give myself a break in 2012. I resolve to enjoy my family more and worry less. I resolve to appreciate my life and body for as much as it still does give me.

So 2012, I’m not oping to say “bring it!” because 2011 did and frankly, kicked me pretty hard in the booty. I’m going to say, “let’s enjoy each other and the previous time we have”.

What did you resolve or not resolve?

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Confessions of a Star

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Traci

Catchy title, huh? Sounds like a Jackie Collins novel or something worthy of a Rubert Murdoch style tabloid. Well, if that is what you are hoping for you may find this a little lot disappointing. But it is time that I tell you the truth. I am a fraud.

Got you all excited again, didn’t I? No. This won’t be an expose on how I am really a man who has joined the glamorous and exciting world of blogging by passing as a frazzled housewife. Because how old is that story??? No, I am indeed a frazzled housewife.

But I am also ill. I haven’t talked much about it here because it’s not my personality. I am not a wallower (is that a word? spell check says no). I try to be positive and funny in my life and most especially here. And so when things are tough, I hide from my blog and even at times, my blog friends. But no more. I am here to tell you the truth. The whole truth and nothing little but the truth.

I have… something. That cleared it up for everyone, didn’t it?

I have a neurological disorder with an undiagnosed source.

That really didn’t make it any clearer, did it? If you still feel confused, join the club. On my 37th birthday, I fainted at my birthday dinner and embarked on a journey that seemingly has no end.

Basically, my nervous system stays in a fight or flight mode. It causes me to have crazy low blood pressure, be exhausted all the time, and have dizzy spells. But there is another element. I am losing feeling in my feet. We don’t know why but I have nerve damage that is worsening. The worst symptom, however, is that my nervous system can misread input causing soft touches from my children to feel almost scream worthy.

You know the phrase, “mind over matter”? Well, my mind is getting its behind kicked by whatever is the matter. It frustrates me and makes my dreams seem so much harder.

Truth is that I think I haven’t spoken of it, because I have been afraid. I have been afraid to acknowledge its impact on my life. I have been afraid that it will give it a power in my life that I’m not ready to cede. I hide how rough it is from friends. I think most of my family would be surprised to know just how much it bothers me. I finally acknowledged to my husband how much I worry.

Whatever this is, it’s not going away. It is likely to get worse over time. This is my reality and I need to stop running from it and learn to accept it.

So I am going to write about it, sometimes. Maybe I’m not alone. Do you have a secret burden that is standing between you and your vision of your life?

The truth is out. I’m not going to let this beat me and I’m not going to hide from it any more. It is part of who I am for better or worse. And that my friends is my star confession.

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Posted in Blogging, Dreams, Illness, Letting Go, New Year, Perfectionism | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments

Goodbye… Hello

Posted on December 31, 2011 by Traci

It’s been a bit and I am missing my friends. It seems appropriate as it is New Years. The time of auld lang syne.

I am healing and able to sit at the computer for short spurts. I am starting to make my way around but in the mean, I wish you all the happiest of years for 2012. May the new year bring you and yours health, prosperity, and joy. Thank you for being my friends, as far flung as you may be. You’ve helped make 2011 a very special year and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the next.

Cheers! Salut! Mazel tov!

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.  

 


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The Spirit of Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2011 by Traci

I’m sorry that this elf has been too long on the shelf and not out spreading the cheer. I have been without a laptop! Add to that a shoulder injury and I’m out of commission. I’ve been trying to sneak in visits when possible but as of late, I haven’t even been able to post here.

That hasn’t stopped my kiddos from enjoying the spirit of the season, however. Or me vicariously. I thought I would share a few thoughts on the holiday from their perspective.

My children were in the car discussing the “Real” meaning of Christmas. And by discussing, I mean arguing. Yes-arguing. Just what Jesus would want. Two children squabbling over his birth. Santa probably didn’t appreciate it either. But you might, so here goes…

Little Diva: Mommy, I know the real meaning of Christmas.

Sonny-Bunny: So do I, Mommy.

Me: Wonderful! What is it?

LD: Giving!

SB: Nooooo! It’s about Jesus’ birth! It’s not about gifts.

LD: Jesus is about giving, silly..,

SB: Mom! Tell her Christmas is about Jesus’ birth!

LD: Tell him it’s about giving!

(Repeat above three to four times loudly)

Me: You’re both right! For goodness sake, you are both right. Christmas is about Jesus’ birth, SB. But LD is also right as Jesus was a gift to the world.

SB and LD (simultaneously): Told you so.

That tells you volumes about my two children. One is hyper-literal and one basks in mystery. My son is a “just the facts, ma’am” guy and my daughter wraps herself in drama and majesty. So the two heard the same story, understood it well but through their own spectacles. I don’t think they ever got how they could both be right.

On another note, my son saw a Santa at an event. He leans into me and says, “Mommy, he must be one of Santa’s helpers”. I asked why. “He is not very jolly and not very fat”. What can I say he’s a Santa expert!

If I’m slow to visit, please forgive. Hopefully Santa will bring me a new power cord and a new back in my stocking.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all!

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The Best Christmas Present Ever…

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Traci

Seventeen years ago, I married my dream guy, my answered prayer. Here we are — very happy, slightly tipsy, and blissfully unaware of eyebrow waxing.

We married one week before Christmas and he has been the greatest Christmas present ever. So happy anniversary, baby. And thanks for making every Christmas magical and every day Christmas.

 

Since then, he has answered many more including giving me two beautiful children.

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